“Depression” is given as the main cause of the suicide rate. But what it “depression”? Yes, I can give you a clinical description. It might answer the “What” part of the question but it certainly does not answer the “why?” Yes, there are many causes but essentially I feel they all boil down to the same thing. Depression is the result of our thoughts. The world out there is full of triggers that set off these disempowering thoughts. Such things as seemingly everyone expects me to have a certain body shape. I don’t have that shape because I am overweight, gives rise to a multi-million dollar dieting industry and a lot of people feeling depressed because they have not met the model. In Ireland most suicides are young men who have come through an education system that has told them there is a job for them when they go out in the workforce only to find there isn’t. They have no money and begin to question their own worth.
But the question is “who thinks our thoughts”? Yes, we allow others to influence those thoughts but it us who think them. If we can think them then we can “unthink” them. Our thoughts determine how we feel. If we have positive thoughts we feel good and experience more energy but if we have negative thoughts the opposite happens. I show this almost daily when I demonstrate muscle testing. I ask people to have a negative thought and test a muscle. It is always weak and then I ask them to enjoy an empowering thought and test again. The muscle always tests strong. What can this mean? Very simply an empowering thought strengthens you and a negative thought weakens you with all implications that has towards general health and well-being.
That has a huge repercussion when it comes to coaching and possibly to the suicide rate too. The challenge is how to change negative thinking to positive thinking in an effective way.
In coaching the objective is to move somebody from their current perceived reality where they are not getting the results they desire across the chasm which is the belief gap to a new world off desired reality. The belief gap is the stumbling block. Remember, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still!” This poses the next question…”how do we do that effectively”? The answer is by asking questions. When you pose a question the mind is conditioned to look for an answer. Every problem that you will ever face is in and of itself an unanswered question. Simply put every challenge is a question seeking an answer. The purpose of coaching is to work with somebody who helps us find the required answers. The better the coach the better the questions and inevitably the answers. It was Bill Clinton who said and I paraphrase; “there is no problem anywhere that has not been solved somewhere.”
There are two types of questions, empowering ones and disempowering ones. Far too many people shape their lives by asking disempowering questions without realizing that is what they are doing. Then they agonize over why they are not getting the results that they so earnestly seek. Then as the inconsistent results persist they surmise there must be something wrong with them. Disempowering questions focus on the things you don’t have, what you can’t do and what you are not. They feel bad and rob us of creative energy! The focus is on what you don’t want. Remember what you focus on, you get!
“Why can’t I get more clients?” That’s a double whammy as it’s a negative question with a negative construction. Of course it will make you feel bad the mind is busily coming up with a string of negatives as you let it run. Instead we need to shift the focus in order to get a positive reflection. Let’s try this one. “Why are more and more clients willing to pay me to work with them?” That feels better because the mind is running to find the positive reasons why people would want to come and see you. Questions like this empower because they focus on your potential, what you can do and what you are. Go with the feeling, don’t over think this. A question like that energizes you so you have the wherewithal to take positive actions. Questions like this take you across the treacherous “belief gap”
much more easily. This makes it possible to enter the word of perceived reality with considerably less effort. Try it for yourself.
Now write down 5 disempowering questions preferably concerning issues that are currently holding you back. Next change them to empowering questions. And see how you feel. “Why” questions are more powerful than “What” or “How” as they focus on results. Remember, you don’t have to answer the questions. In fact very definitely avoid that as an intention. Answers might come but you want the subconscious to run the gamut of its creative genius. It will be striving to find better and more creative answers and these will feel great. Enjoy the process.
I would like to acknowledge the wonderful work of Noah St. John who has helped me so much across the years by introducing me to this amazing process. Thank you so much.
I also feel if the Samaritans adopted some of these techniques on their helplines they might well be able to make an even greater impact the number of people who take their own lives across the world. This would reduce a huge amount of terrible suffering.
Alister Bredee D.HH, D.CN is a Wellness Consultant and Coach who helps people move from “dis-ease” which is “dis-empowerment” to a new destination which is called “thrive”. If any of this resonates with you and you would like to take it further. Send him a message and he will be delighted to have a conversation with you.
Koh Samui, Thailand